Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is upon us.

Our trip to Lufkin/Nacogdoches was a good one.  Grant was able to get off work early so we headed out about 2:00.  Got stuck in traffic in Madisonville but we were able to make a quick pit stop at our beloved Buc-ees.  LOVE this place.  For those of you who haven't heard of Buc-ees, the best way to explain it is, it's a gas station on CRACK!  There's soooo much stuff and always sooo many people.  It's very nice, the bathrooms are super clean which is a must for me.  There are friendly people everywhere you turn handing out samples.  Their claim to fame is "Beaver Nuggets".  Yep, it's sounds nasty.  We've been stopping there for over a year and I still don't know what a beaver nugget is.  Apparently they're awesome.  Maybe I'll be adventurous on our trip home for Christmas and grab a bag of nuggets.  We'll see.

Our first stop was Lufkin to drop off pies at my sister, Michelle's, house.  Then I decided I wanted to go by the cemetery to visit Laura's grave.  There are two different schools of thought on visiting graves.  #1-It's just a body, my loved one is not here and #2-I get peace from visiting.  I've had several loved ones pass away in my life.  I don't visit the cemeteries regularly but when the memories of them are heavy on my heart, it's nice to go to the cemetery where it's quiet, peaceful.  Driving to the cemetery I began to get that nervous feeling in my stomach and felt like it was getting hard to breathe.  This would be the first time I'd been to the cemetery since Laura's funeral in September.  As we pulled up I could see the pretty cross from the nephews.  Michelle has done a good job about keeping nice flowers on it.  The boys didn't go to the funeral with us so naturally Jess had questions.  Grant did a great job of explaining it to him.  Jess asked if the cemetery was where people went when they died.  Grant explained that when you died your body was left after your spirit went to heaven to be with Jesus and that this place was where we remembered the people.  Jess said softly, "Ooohhh".  Then quickly said "Okay, let's go walk over here."  He got his explanation, he understood and now it was time to explore.  Of course, by this time, the emotion of seeing my sister's grave had gotten to me and I was crying.  At first I didn't want the boys to see me upset but then I realized this is a part of life.  They will lose people they love and they will be sad.  I wanted them to know it's okay.  As Grant and Jess began to explore the wonders of the cemetery, my sweet, tenderhearted Jon stood by my side and held me up as I cried.  Thinking about his compassion, even now, causes me to tear up.  He's got his momma's sensitive soul and I wouldn't want it any other way.

The next few days were filled with laughter and lots of food.  It was great to be with my mom, Aunt Barcie and Michelle.  Good to be with family, especially during a time that could have been horribly sad.

On Saturday, we had our final Thanksgiving (it was the 4th of the season for me).  Uncle Jess and Linda were able to make the trip to Nacogdoches despite Uncle Jess's crushed vertebrae and Linda's soreness from a recent fall.  Seeing the "Old Man" always makes me happy.  It seems like I'm always the last person to hug hello.  The exchange between us always goes like this: I stand back and wait for everyone to get their hugs in and when the last person moves aside he sees me, points a finger at me and smiles so big.  It warms my heart.  Then I go in for my hug and he ALWAYS says "Ohhhhh, I love you!  You are so beautiful!"  It's the best thing next to the hugs I get from my babies.  We sit down and begin our meal and he always goes on and on about how good everything is.  Eventually his thoughts turn to his time the POW camp in Germany during WWII.  He talks about how grateful he is for all the food we have today and remembers when he'd go for days with nothing.  This year, he went a little deeper with his thoughts and told us he remembers a time when he'd kill for something to eat.  You can see his mind go back to those times, see the struggle, see the thankfulness for today.

So, I am very thankful for the time I was able to spend with all of my family.  Christmas is only a few weeks away so we'll get to do it all over again!

H-O-L-I-D-A-Y Let's celebrate!!

Two day work week for me and I couldn't be more excited.  I'm taking off Wednesday to spend some time with my boys.  Pies will be made, suitcases will be packed and hopefully there will be a fun trip to U Paint It.  Jess has never been so he'll be excited.  Both boys have Christmas gifts to get so I thought they could paint something and give it.  Adds a personal touch.

Last night we had our Thanksgiving dinner with our church family.  Both Jon and Jess's childrens choirs sang.  Jess was really into it which surprised me.  He's changed a lot since VBS this past summer.  He was supposed to get on stage with his group and sing for the closing ceremonies but he wasn't having it.  Last night he got up there and just sang his little heart out.  Jon on the other hand...  All the kids in his choir looked like they were being tortured.  At least Jon mouthed all the words.  He cracks me up!  I did get him to smile a couple of times.  So proud of him.  Watching him up there I realized how he looks so much older to me these days.  He's a pre-teen!  Where did the time go?

Wednesday we head home to Nacogdoches for a few days.  I am really excited to spend all day Thanksgiving day, with my mom and sister.  Food will be made, tears will be shed and I'm sure Michelle will have something to say about my hair or clothes.  It will be awesome!  We'll have Thanksgiving with Grant's family on Saturday in Mexia.  Uncle Jess can't travel so we're taking Thanksgiving to him.  I'm looking forward to spending time with the in-laws.  Last time I saw them was the week of my sister's funeral and we didn't have much time to visit.  I am planning to make the most of this time.

Thankfulness

Nothing new to report at this time.  I have some developing information but I cannot divulge it yet.  I have been out of town for the past two weeks and have not been able to act on the information I have, but I will be talking to my source very soon.  Remain hopeful.    

This is the latest information from the Texas Ranger investigating Laura's case.  Short, sweet and positive.  I have kind of come to terms with the fact that nothing may happen in her case, so won't it be a wonderful surprise when justice is done?!

Thanksgiving is next week so we're mapping out our family visiting strategies.  There are lots of people to see and not enough time.  This year will be emotional to say the least.  It will be the first without my sister.  No matter where she was she was always there for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I have such regrets that the last time I saw her was last Christmas and it was stressful to say the least.  It was always a little stressful being around her because she could be eratic a lot of the time, but last year was bad.  I had to shut myself off from her emotionally and I don't think I said 5 words to her.  If I had known that would be the last time we'd see each other, would I still have been so harsh?

My father-in-law has cancer.  He says the doctor says it's in the early stages and moving slowly so they aren't doing treatment right now.  It's scary not really knowing what's going on.  For so long, John has been like a father to me when I didn't have a father.  And to get this news so close to the death of my sister was an emotional whammy.

So this year, I have to be thankful.  I am thankful that I have my family.  I am thankful that I have a good job in a time where a lot of people don't.  I am thankful that I am free to believe in God and to worship him without fear of persecution.  I am THANKFUL. 

Football, prayers and dirt in hidden places

My weekend was full of football.  Jess played his flag football game early Saturday morning.  It was nice and cold outside which makes football even better.  I get such kick out of watching him play.  He's SOOOOOO into the game.  He messes around like most kids his age in an organized sport, but he's also become the team motivator.  He'll walk around patting the other boys on the back, giving little pep talks and at times, organizing an impromptu huddle.  I also love hearing the people around me giggle at his "Yeah baby!" when the team makes a good play or a touchdown.  That's MY crazy football fanatic.  He's awesome to watch.  Things may change in a few years and he could become the next great concert pianist, but right now I believe he's found his calling.

Moving on to Aggie football.  What an AMAZING game.  Jon, Jess and I screamed so loud the first couple of minutes that Grant had to yell at us to get us to calm down.  "The neighbors are going to call the police!" were his exact words.  HAHAHA!  It was a great game and it was so fun to watch with the boys.

We've started a "Share and Prayer" time at home.  Thanks to the Howells for the idea.  Each night when the boys are in bed, Grant and I sit down with them and we each share one favorite moment from our day, one thing we are thankful for then we each take a turn to say a prayer.  Lately the prayers have been for healing of Pawpaw's cancer and fast recovery for Aunt Lala's knee surgery.  I know I'm supposed to have my eyes closed when I listen to the boys pray but sometimes I just love watching Jess's facial expressions.  Last night's prayer was thanking Jesus for a good day at church, all the Operation Christmas Child boxes the kids packed, Pawpaw and going outside to play during children's choir.  Now, I picked them up a little early from choir and Jess's class had just gone out to the playground and I TOTALLY messed up his play time.  So to his "thanks for going outside to play" he threw in "even though I didn't get to play long, but that's okay!"  I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from laughing at him.  As he's wrapping up his prayer, I guess he ran out of things to thank Jesus for so he hurridly said "and thank you for radio, sattelite and windows".  AMEN!

Dirt in hidden places.  I was eating an English muffin at my desk and a small crumb landed in my keyboard.  As I picked up the keyboard to shake the crumb out, I see lots of icky dusty, dirty stuff under my keyboard.  Maybe I need to pick it up every once in a while to see what's lurking under there.

This is the beginning

I've had a blog before (I think) but never really did anything with it. I keep up with a few other blogs and am always entertained, enlightened and impressed by these people who let us into their worlds. So, here I am, starting my own blog.

So much has been happening in my life these last few months and there are times where I have a lot of thoughts in my head that I need to get out and that's why I'm here.

Today I am thinking a lot about my sister Laura. She died. Friday will be 2 months and I still have to tell myself "Laura died" and I bring up the memory of seeing her for the first time in a casket. I still can't believe it most of the time. She had many problems and I always feared I'd get a call one day letting me know she was gone, but I never actually thought it would happen. Does that make sense? The way she died weighs so heavy on my heart. There is still so much left unexplained about her death. One thing I am certain of, she did not kill herself. We are fighting to bring the man who did this to her to justice, but we have learned that the wheels of justice turn slow and we have the added battle of proving that she wasn't just another crazy drug addict. I want to scream from the rooftops "_____ killed my sister!". Right now I feel like no one is listening. The case is being investigated and we're being told what can and can't be proven and it just makes me sad because there is documentation, in her own words, of the hell she'd been living in the last year and a half of her life. I continue to pray for the people trying to build a case and for my family. I continue to pray that I give this all to God and that I let HIS will be done. It's so hard.

So this is how I feel today. My mood matches the cool, wet weather outside. Maybe the heavens are crying for me today, because all my tears are spent right now.